This post has been on my mind and my heart for about a year. But, it’s time.
I am stepping away from Bloom.
I am approaching a major change in my life: the addition of our second child. And while I am so excited, the weight of everything on my plate and imagining how it’s just going to grow brought me nearly to the point of break down.
You can find blog posts and articles like this and this sharing all that a woman carries. I know men carry their own set of stressors and weight; but, these articles always hit me with “it’s so true.”
Working, mom-ing, wife-ing, managing a home, running a now thriving business on the side, (sad) attempts at personal development and even self care started to feel more like a chore. Add the chemical component of nearing the end of pregnancy to the mix and it was all enough to push me over the ledge.
Nothing I did -or tried to do- was 100% and that added guilt and disappointment. My brain could not take on any more and I crumbled from the weight of it all. (… And, may or may not have taken a bit of it out on my husband. Yay. Go me.)
After some tears, I picked myself up and decided to take action. What can I control? What can I do to lighten my load? What can I do to get my life back to the life I want to be living?
So, for the time being, a few things are being cut out.
Things like lightening up on the state of my kitchen floors everyday. By the way, those cups that say they are spill proof…? The manufacturers are lying.
Allowing Theo to eat the school meals (… that I am paying for anyway) versus packing him something homemade. Not only is this a use of my time; but, I was also getting a note from his teacher everyday saying he wants what the other kids want… contributing to some guilt, shame and “Am I doing this right?” that I have to carry.
Understanding that we may not get the garden completely put away for the winter. Our landscaping is scary. We will not have any bulbs or mulch. But, we will survive.
And, taking a hiatus from blogging at Bloom.
It may not be forever, but right now, it’s a good time.
There are things I want to do on leave and some of those things are to just sit in bed with a nursing newborn and binge watch Project Runway. And, that’s more than okay.
I have loved Bloom. It was my introduction to writing for fun. It was for no one but me. And, even with all the essays, assignments, school paper articles, and research papers in my grade school and college days, I believe blogging has shown me the most growth as a writer.
Am I an excellent writer? No. There are typos and strange, long sentences. Am I good blogger? Heck no. SEO is weird and confusing. I don’t do email lists or sharing parties, like I “should.”
But, I do know that the discipline of writing at least once every few weeks has been good for me.
In fact, I believe blogging and writing for fun is good for anyone.
Documenting a renovation. Writing about your kids for relatives far away. Sharing short stories. Whatever. It’s fun. It’s free. It makes you be a little creative. It makes you a stronger writer. It connects you to people new and longtime friends.
But, it also makes you clue into things more. Art, podcasts, museums, current events. You think more and those thoughts are deeper.
You have more intention to your life and you really think about who you are. What you want to share. What you want to do. This understanding of yourself brings confidence and authenticity in all that you do.
And, with your stories, you might even inspire someone. Which is such a gift… for both of you.
That is what has happened with Bloom. I have truly “Bloomed Where I was Planted” here on the internet and in life. Without it, I may still be in a day job that doesn’t bring me joy. Or, have any creative pursuit outside of that job. And, Adam and I likely would have never started our sustainable farming business, Bent Arrow Acres. Something we cannot imagine our life without.
So, thank you for reading, commenting, encouraging me and letting me share my stories.
Also, know that I am not totally stepping away from writing.
I now write quite a bit offline. This journaling could be just fun, but it could evolve into eBooks, kids books or memoirs.
And, I will continue to maintain the blog on the farm’s website, bentarrowacres.com. So, there still will be a place on the internet to stay in the loop with what we are up to! We hope also get better with YouTube, email lists, and SEO so there are some “blogger” goals still in mind.
Who knows what the future holds, but Bloom will always be where it started. And, I am so thankful for this space.
Here are a few of my old favorites:
Natural, Roasted Chicken. It’s What’s for Dinner.: A friend told me she could hear me telling this story as she read it. What a compliment. It totally energize me. And, looking back at this moment in my kitchen makes me smile. We have come a LONG way from my first whole roasted chicken.
End of the Season and So Much More: Rereading this post, all about our first garden season, after this years garden season which seemed hard… almost more like a chore, makes my heart happy.
Tough Old Birds: Haha. What a week this was. The image of me as a “fat, camo eskimo” isn’t bad either.
Becoming a Farm Girl Three Part Series: This was a fun project.
Lessons from Mom’s Kitchen: For the record, my mom’s alias on Bloom when she comments is “mom xoxo.”
Not Sweet, But Still a Treat: Make this today. Seriously. You will thank me later.
To Everything There is a Season: Still true today. And, not just for gardening.
Garlic Dreams to Reality: How Bent Arrow Acres was born!
To Sweet Sixteen and The Next Fifteen: I always loved doing a New Year post.
What to Expect… And, What I Didn’t: Welcoming Theo.
Black Raspberry Comfort: Unless this is you first Bloom post (… Sorry, not the best place to start!), you know about my love of ice cream. This one is the best.
Frozen Pizza Goes Fresh: This is my favorite way to do pizza. And, it’s so easy!
It Is For Everyone: Trying to understand my own way though feminism and food.
Broken and Whole: Clearly motherhood and story telling are where my writing for *me* seems to be going. And, I like it. Growth is good.